We all have our days right...and squishy bits (in the words of Bridget Jones) and parts of our body we like or dislike, which is very normal. But what I want to know is whether you have considered just how much your body confidence issues could be affecting your relationship?
That "please don't touch me" feeling. They try and cuddle you from behind, grab your stomach and you throw them off. It's a confidence s**t show for them as well as you. I'm not just talking to women.
Every time you look in the mirror, you're angry with yourself. You hate it. This creates a moment of micro-aggression and suddenly you're angry with everyone around you.
Have you really thought deeply about how your lack of body confidence could be taking a toll on your relationship?
That "Please Don't Touch Me" Feeling
Have you felt it? When they reach around to hug you from behind, and you wince, when they touch your stomach. It's almost a physical reaction and you unconsciously throw them off. Ever had someone try and spoon you in bed and the same issue crops up?
When you're not feeling your best, it can be tough to let your partner get close to you. That "please don't touch me" feeling can put a serious damper on things both of your moods. And of course seriously damage your chances of getting into the bedroom. And let's be real, that's no fun for anyone involved.
You should feel happy, excited and over the moon receiving affection from a partner.
Hating The Mirror
Every time you look in the mirror, you're angry with yourself. You hate it. This creates a moment of micro-aggression which means the next time your partner or children try and have a conversation with you, you're going to be short. Not because you're angry with them, but yourself.
It's not just about sex. Your lack of body confidence can make you irritable and distant, which can cause your partner to feel rejected and unwanted.
This other issue with this micro-aggression towards yourself? The self-loathing. We've all had those moments where we avoid mirrors like the plague and get mad at ourselves and anyone who tries to compliment us. But that negativity can create a toxic energy in your relationship that no one wants to be around.
Rejection
You reject when your partner they try to get close. Because you don't feel comfortable. This eats away at both of you and teaches them that rejection is the norm. They learn not to bother.
Yeah, it's a big one. When you're not feeling good about yourself, it can be tough to accept compliments or physical touch from your partner. You might even feel like they're lying to you. But that can make it hard for them to feel appreciated and valued in the relationship. No one likes feeling unappreciated.
And let's not forget about pushing your partner away. When you're feeling insecure, you might try to create distance between you and your partner to protect them from your perceived flaws. But that can cause your partner to feel like you don't trust them or want to be close to them, which can lead to some serious tension and frustration.
No Sex
And last but not least, let's talk about sex. Or lack thereof. It might not be no sex at all, but it might be sex that's a patch on what it used to be. With the lights off, clothes on...any coping mechanism you can think of just to get through and not show your partner your body.
If you're avoiding sexual intimacy because you don't feel comfortable being exposed, or you worry that your partner won't find you attractive, that can create some serious issues in your relationship.
What Can You Do About It?
I've been there... pushing people away. Hard. And it does cause issues and ruins everyone's confidence in a relationship. Working on yourself and taking slow but steady actions to get more comfortable and confident in your own body is a great place to start.
Although genetics can play a very small part in our body, a crucial part of realising true body confidence, is understanding that we are the only ones who can affect it. How we look, how we feel and how we react to others around us. It's not your partners fault or the fault of your children if you are angry with yourself.
It’s about taking action to make YOURSELF feel better.
If you want to get to the bottom of the key mistakes you're making, get in touch.
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